Actually, the story goes back a little farther than that for me.  Vanity is an ugly thing really – and i never really considered myself a vain person – i don’t wear makeup – i mostly wear jeans to work – i live in an average house that is way more cluttered than i would like.  But about two years ago (jan 2008) i bought my dream car – a bright red convertible Volkswagen Beetle.  I waited for 32 years for that car (no one do the math, please) – i still drive that car and i love it (though more so in the summer than in the winter).  But it was hard to get into and out of the car – and it felt like such a hip car and i felt like such a frump.  So i decided, more unconsciously than consciously, that i needed to get in better shape.  My original goals were meager – lose a dress size or two – get in better aerobic shape.  A friend knew i was a former swimmer and got me interested in doing a sprint triathlon and the rest is history.  I did the sprint tri and loved it – robbie talked me into the St. Jude’s half – loved it too… had some injuries the next spring, so missed a couple of races i registered for (still have the 40-60 dollar tshirts, however), but did St. Jude’s again this year.  So i guess in this instance, at least, vanity served a noble purpose.  If you knew me 2 years ago, you’d know that i was 5 or 6 dress sizes bigger and could barely walk across the room, much less 26.2 miles, without being winded.  It hasn’t been an easy process – it hasn’t been quick… but it is progress.  I look forward to my mickey mouse shaped 26.2 sticker on my car – and to framing my mickey mouse shaped finisher’s medal.  Mostly, i look forward to finishing the race… and i value feeling better physically and emotionally.

The only question i have left is what’s next… not sure – maybe Memphis in May triathlon – maybe Arkansas Triathlon – definitely St. Jude’s half next December… not sure i’ll ever do another 26.2 again – but i will do it once:-)  I’m old and I’m slow – but i’m out there – and it feels very good.

In the first episode, the president is having a bad time of it – poll numbers dropping, legislative agenda at a standstill, his staff publicly fighting with the religious right.  Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong.  Except… the president has a bicycle accident – he runs his bicycle into a tree.  The bad week just went to worse – nothing is going right.  Eventually, the president meets with his errant staff to give them a pep talk – the end of which goes something like this:  “everyone needs a break from time to time – breaks are good – they help us rest and relax and make us better and stronger at what we do – well… break’s over.”  Short and simple – y’all have been goofing around long enough – it’s time to get serious about what we’re doing – break’s over. 

That’s where I’ve been for the last few months – on a break.  After five long years I finally graduated from seminary in May.  It was hard – very hard – to finish.  There were so many times when I did not think I could or would finish – even a few that I gave up.  But I finished.  The problem was that I finished for what?  With no real answer in sight, I decided that I really needed some time to regroup and renew – so when folks asked me now what?  I said I was taking the summer “off” to rest and relax – which I have done very well, thank you.

But now – Break’s over… it’s time to get back to this business of discipleship.  For anyone who may read this and has asked me in the last year what I was going to do after seminary and got a shrug – I apologize.  That was not an entirely honest answer.  About 15 months ago, during a particularly tough time at a job that sucked the life out of me, a friend asked me what my ideal job would be.  I paused just a moment, and before I even realized what I was saying, I said “pastor a small church.”  Now I had never uttered those words before in my life.  In fact, despite friends and profs urging I continually shrugged off suggestions that perhaps, I was supposed to be a pastor.  But in that single moment, I knew that was what this whole trip was about – I knew that was what God was calling me to do.  I knew those words came from my heart, not from my head – and that they came out of my mouth in a rare, uninhibited moment. 

So for now, friends, in this, my first blog post, I just ask for your prayers and your support… it’s a hard sale for a middle aged, woman, with absolutely zero pastoral experience (each one makes it tougher – the combination is really tough), but I truly believe that God would neither gift me nor compel me to pursue something God does not intend for me to do. 

I am not patient – I want answers now… but for now, all I have is hope.  The good news is that hope is everything.